Thinking Of Blue

And the Countdown Begins!

2012-03-13T08:45:00.001-07:00

60 Days, 2 Hours and 36 Minutes from now, I will be walking across a stage as a show of my completion of last five years and four schools worth of work. My college graduation.
When did this happen? My senior thesis (on children with Gender Identity Disorder and the effects that the American binary system of male and female has on them) was finished last semester.I'm fervently applying to jobs across the country while trying to end the last few classes I'm taking on a high note. The real world is racing toward me and (while scared pant less) I'm getting excited about the brand new adventure that I'm about to embark on. Saturday, I got back from my spring break roadtrip to Southern CA and Disneyland from the moment I arrived home until now (three days later) I've been doing nothing other than going to classes and writing cover letters and resumes to send off in hopes of hearing back from someone.And after these last three days I'm just wanting someone to say, "Yes"!Most places have said that they'll make decisions in late April or May, so I'm patiently (haha!) awaiting the email/call about the fate of my future. When did I become an adult...?

(This was taken last Sunday in San Diego)

My 2nd Blogoversary

2011-03-01T18:05:00.000-08:00

I started this blog 2 years ago in an effort to feel connected.

To anyone.

I was sick. I was lonely. I felt stuck.

I am in such a different place today. In this moment.

I'm working hard to accomplish a goal, no longer feeling stuck I know exactly what I need to do to get where I want to go.

Not nearly as sick, I can leave on a quick trip somewhere without needing to carry 6 bottles of medication with me everywhere. I can just grab my keys and go.

And the reason I've not been blogging as often?

I'm no longer as lonely. Not feeling like my blog was my attempt grasping for anything I could get. A simple connection to the outside world.

I am surrounded at all hours by people. And more than that, people who care.

I walk across campus and get hugs from 25 different people on the average day.

I laugh. A lot.

And I love it.

So again, it's my blogoversary.

And I am so glad to have the last two years documented so I can look back and truly see just how far I've come.

(My best friend here at school (right) and I took this yesterday.)

And so began the small talk to cover the silence…

2011-02-05T21:13:00.000-08:00

“Stillness”

Surrounded by the grassses

The wind softly rustled the blades

Awakening the halcyonic stillness around her

She knelt to the warm ground

Armed by the remains of the sun’s rays

“I miss you” she whispered.

And so began the small talk to cover the silence…

Three Word Poem [eclipse, cradle, drift]

2011-02-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

The eclipsing shadow on his faceCradling him in my armsI can do nothing but stareTo be here againDeep into his eyesThe glassy blue that is reserved only for a childI rememberWhat it was likeBack to truthClasping to memoriesAll I have leftMy eyes closeIt drifts away

I'm Alive!

2010-08-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

I've severely neglected my blog over the past couple of months due to the exhaustion of working 60 hour weeks and commuting 3 to 6 hours a day.
I applied a couple of weeks ago to a college and got in! And now I am writing this from my new dorm room (I moved in two days ago)!Everything has moved at lightning speed!School starts Wednesday and I have orientation until then.
I'm so excited to have this part of my life feeling like it's moving forward towards reaching my goal!
I'm a "Hawk" and Liberal Studies major with an emphasis in Special Education at Holy Names University.
HNU is co-ed and a very small school (500-600 undergrads and around 1,100 students in all) which I love.
From the looks of it, this year is going to be amazing!!

Crazy month, photo fun :]

2010-05-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

April flew by! May is too!

In April I went up to Tahoe and down to Monterey and Carmel.

A week or so ago, I passed my in the car driving exam.

Last week my two betta fishies died :(.

Tonight, Sunday and Wednesday are the graduation ceremonies for my sister from UC Berkeley.

Tomorrow I'm doing the Human Race which is a fundraiser for most of the non-profits in Sonoma County.

Sunday, Mother's Day, I'm preforming in a "band" made up of a bunch of my friends at my work.

Next week is the last week of school before finals!

Next week is the last week of this round of the fitness bootcamp I've been doing. Two weeks later I start work at a 7:30am-5pm job Monday-Friday.For. The. Entire. Summer.
11 final papers to write.3 final tests to take.1 dance final to choreograph and preform.
A week to get it all done.Yikes.

On the trip to Tahoe and Monterey I took my camera with me and came back with these results.I'm quite pleased with how they turned out.:)

Happy 22nd Birthday Sis!

2010-04-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

Happy 22nd Birthday to my gorgeous, talented and amazing sister!
I love you sissy! I hope your day is magical and that all your birthday dreams come true!

Happy Easter!

2010-04-06T23:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, we still do Easter egg hunts around here!

We even have our very own Easter bunny with the floppy ears and everything. She's technically a dog but I think she could pull it off!

Our Easter was pretty laid back, I went to boot camp and then had to work until noon but then got to come home, have an Easter egg hunt and in the second half of the day celebrate my sister's 22nd birthday. Her birthday's tomorrow but she's back at school so we had our "big" celebration over the weekend. We celebrated with my mom's famous shrimp pasta, Funfetti cupcakes and a tiara atop my sister's head.

Oh happy day! :)

I'm a Contestant and Would LOVE your support!!

2010-04-02T00:28:00.000-07:00

For the next 8 weeks I will be over at my contestant page for the

Flab to Fab Blogger Fitness Challenge!

(Hosted by April of April Showers and Charlie of Operation Shrink Charlie's Big Butt)

Out of all the people who entered I was one of the EIGHT who made it in (including the hosts!)

I would love for you to follow my challenge blog during this as I will be posting all the time over there.
(Though I will still continue here too!)

Click HERE to go to my personal blog page!

Click HERE to go to the Challenge's blog page!!

(The challenge's blog page is where my and all the other amazing women's weekly Vlogs are! That's right! You get to see me on video! No promises that you'll think I'm quite as normal after watching them though! The first one is already up!)

You're also welcome to join in with the Blogtourage weekly on the Challenge blog page as well!
25 Bloggers have already linked up! That's HERE!

Weight loss is not an easy thing and I'd love to have your support as I try to make a major life change.
(And compete along the way!)

Come on over to cheer me on in this amazing competition!

Epic St. Patrick's Day Adventure

2010-03-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

For St. Patrick's Day, two friends and I headed out the beach.

It was a beautiful day with lots of laughter which proved for some really fun pictures!

Happy Monday!

Happy Two Year Angelversary Emily!

2010-03-20T17:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Two-Year Angelversary Emily!

At only 14, you were taken so soon but you left in style doing what you loved most, skiing with your team on the snowy mountains in Tahoe.

Love you SO much and miss you every day sunshine!

This is a wonderful video put together by another one of Emily's friends.

It's filled with her bright smile, sweet voice and the ever apparent twinkle in her eye.

Skii the day away in paradise sweetpea.

Fly high, Soar.

New Blog Design!! :)

2010-03-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

So what do you think of my brand-spankin' new blog design!?
I love it!
Jessica did such an incredible job on it!
It's just so ME! Yay!
Head on over and give Jessica a visit!
And while you're at it, I even got a snazzy little grab button that you're free to take!!(to the right)

Along with my sweet new blog design I've got all new music (on the left) to go with it!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2010-03-17T12:42:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Hope you find that pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow!!

I Heart Faces: Jump For Joy!

2010-03-07T20:41:00.000-08:00

And for my first I Heart Faces entry..
"Jump for Joy!"

Go visit I Heart Faces for more wonderfully joyful jumping photos!

Kidney Infection

2010-03-02T23:56:00.000-08:00

I never take naps.

Never.

So when I slept for 8 hours during the day on Saturday, 10 hours on Sunday and 5 hours on Monday on top of my normal nightly sleep I knew something was up. I also started breaking out on and off yesterday after my morning dance class which happens when my body's fighting something off.

Then yesterday afternoon I started having back pains and by the middle of the night was woken up in severe, can't move at all, back pain.

Went to the doctor today and yes, I have a kidney infection. On top of all that I'm having signs of a developing staph infection so to battle two birds with one stone, tonight starts a 14 day course of antibiotics (Azithromycin).

For now, I'm still smiling (and not in as much pain with my constant rice heat pack companion on my back) and hope this optimism and laughter will continue throughout the medication treatment!

Happy Tuesday!!

Happy One Year Blogoversary to Me!

2010-03-01T21:15:00.000-08:00

Hard to imagine but it's my blog's one year blogoversary!!

I never could have dreamed about how many new friends I would make within a year of blogging!

I started this blog as a way to make connections and record some of the ramblings of my everyday life and come away having not only accomplished those things but also with a mindset that has me walking through life with optimism and appreciative of so many things I had ever previously thought twice about!

I also never imagined that I'd make it to a third post let alone an entire year of posts!

In the past year, here's three of my favorite posts!

1. Thirteen Quotes on Laughter

2. Thirteen Mantra's I Strive to Live My Life By

3. The 3 Cents of Happiness

And of course the post that started it all!

The Butterfly and the Cocoon

I for one think this momentous occasion deserves a virtual toast!

Here's to another year (and beyond!) of bloggy friends and happiness!!

Okay, okay, my toasting skills are not the greatest! Haha! But in all honesty, I love you guys and hope that you all have enjoyed reading my blog as much as I've enjoyed writing it!

Great, big, gigantic virtual bloggy blogoversary hugs!!

(Do you see my name!?! Proof! :] )

What Would You Tell Yourself?

2010-02-24T01:10:00.000-08:00

Have you ever looked back at your life and said to yourself,

"I wish that I had known this earlier in my life."?

Up to this point I've learned some important lessons.

Some of them include:

1. Don't "Kill Time." Time is precious, embrace every moment.

2. Growing up, you think your high school sweetheart is going to be the person you'll be with forever. Chances are, you're not. Each relationship is an experience.

3. Don't be afraid of experiences.

4. Scratch that, don't be afraid. Don't let fear stop you from taking chances. Don't be afraid to trust.

5. It may feel like the end of the world. It's not. Life will go on.

6. When life gets the hardest, call up your best friend. Laughter is the best medicine.

7. Hold on tight to real friendships.

8. Don't spend all your energy on friendships and relationships that are one sided. You deserve better.

9. Don't cry over someone who's not willing to cry over you.

10. Forever is a long time to be without someone, don't walk away angry.

11. Don't regret. Past experiences have made you who you are today and led you to have so many wonderful experiences.

12. The only power that someone has over you is the power that you give them.

13. It's not what happens. No one can make you feel one way or another. No one can make you do anything. It's not the action, it's your reaction. You have the power to choose how you react.

14. Put yourself in their shoes. Where are they coming from? Do you feel any differently about that person now?

15. It's not your place to judge. You are not responsible for judging anyone or their actions.

16. Don't accept things you don't think are right. You can affect change.

17. Hold yourself accountable when you are.

18. Allow others the space to hold themselves accountable when need be.

19. Don't blame.

20. Hugs, kisses and cuddling are wonderful things.

21. Love without bounds.

22. Find out what makes your light shine and do it.

23. Don't do the things that make you miserable. Life's too short.

24. Don't fall into old patterns, figure out how to bring positive change to your life. If something had a negative outcome in the past, change it for the future. Don't fall back on habit.

25. Be happy, smile, it's a chain reaction.

If you could go back in time and tell your eighteen year old self anything, something you know now that you wish you'd known then, what would it be?

Two Years Jesse.

2010-02-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

Two years Jesse.

I miss your hugs, your smile, your laugh.

I miss you.

Liver cancer claimed your life a mere 10 days after your diagnosis.

You've helped me learn to appreciate every day.

All of your "Blue Angels" are missing you here on Earth.

You will always be loved.

Rest In Paradise Jesse Rios.

April 5, 1936 – February 22, 2008

I've Fallen in Love...

2010-02-21T21:06:00.000-08:00

Meet Shayna.

Shayna means beautiful and that she is.

She's my brand new Ashland guitar.

I'm in love.

My mom bought a guitar at the age of eighteen and as much as I wanted to get hers repaired so I could play it, it was more cost effective to buy a new one (though I will still get hers repaired someday).
I've been wanting to learn to play the guitar for years and am so excited to finally be presented with the opportunity to do so!

Shayna is a steel string acoustic guitar and with one of the smallest body sizes and fits me perfectly.

So far I can correctly and successfully play one chord which I'm excited about.

Haha, the simple pleasures.

I bought her on the 15th, so she is my Valentine's beauty.

For Valentine's day I sent out 43 Valentines in the mail along with 4 packages that were swaps (though havn't received any of the swap packages in return from my partners yet, fingers crossed that they come! I've already had to deal with swapping and not having anything come in return which dampens the excitement of swapping.). I've received a bunch of cards (and stickers which I LOVE) and have so enjoyed running to the mailbox everyday for the last month and finding such wonderful surprises!

Valentine's Day weekend I went to a conference at my church with around 100 youth and adults 13-20 years old. It was incredible meeting so many new people, having beautiful and powerful midnight worships and just being surrounded by so much love.

Valentine's Day didn't go quite as planned because the "Valentine" I was supposed to get together with ended up being sick and had to cancel.

I'm just glad that they're now feeling better!

My godmother is here for the weekend so I'm off to spend my last night with her and will update more soon!

Now for pictures!

Shayna <3

Buying Shayna..

These are some of the things I sent out...

Happy week behind and week ahead!

To Write Love On Her Arms 2010

2010-02-12T13:02:00.000-08:00

Approximately 18.8 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year, have a depressive disorder.

10 out of every 100000 Americans commits suicide

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

Each year around Valentine's Day TWLOHA host a day (two days this year) as a worldwide event with the intention that "Love is the Movement" and that "Recovery is Possible."

This is my fourth year participating in the event, in this movement.

February 12, 2010

Join me today and tomorrow (the 12th and 13th) writing LOVE on our arms (literally or metaphorically) and show support for all the people around the world who are hurting, broken and in need of some Love.

(For more information on this incredible movement visit www.twloha.com)

Rainy Day Vineyards

2010-02-09T21:25:00.000-08:00

In honor of my friend Sean Scott and the one year anniversary of his passing, I wanted to show you all the mustard flowers that are beginning to pop up here in the wine country!

It's Beginning to Look Like Valentine's Day!

2010-02-07T15:07:00.000-08:00

It's beginning to look a lot like Valentine's day in my classroom! You can't really tell but some of the hearts are colored on by one of my little ones.

I love holidays!

The Art of Sign Spinning

2010-02-03T21:16:00.000-08:00

So after a strange day, I was attempting to get back to my "happy place" and something managed to send me into hysterics.

Have you ever seen those people dressed as the statue of liberty spinning signs? Well we have THREE of them in front of a store that are out there working it, every day.

Today though there was something a little different right next to the three statues of liberty.

Someone with a mask, jail stripes head to toe and giant black feather wings was dancing and head bobbing.

The sign was for a bail bonds place.

Creepiest thing ever. And it sent me into tailspinning laughter.

So we had to go around the block just so I could get a picture to share with all my bloggy friends.

Wow.

Happy Martin Luther King Day! (Surgery update and a weekend full of fun!)

2010-01-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

It's been a long wild weekend!

To start, Friday was surgery day!

The Upper Endoscopy was successful and after a biopsy it turns out everything is normal (back to square one). Unfortunately half way through the biopsy, I came out of the anasthesia and was aware of the tube down my throat. I was in a half-awake state and attempted to object so they were a little worried about my vocal cords.

Afterwards, they said that my being young probably attributed to my waking up (though I had tried to convince them beforehand that people with POTS often need more anasthesia). They also said that in a couple more hours I would forget what had happened. Haha, um, yeah. Not so much.

But I came away from it, slept the rest of the day away and had no horrible things found so for that I'm thankful.

I also had a friend to keep me company while recovering.

Then Saturday, I had a Young Adult overnight at my work. I'm by far the oldest person who comes but I love all of them so it was really fun.

We went back to the roots of childhood and ran around playing capture the flag and hide and go seek.

We also accomplished the task that was the original reason for the get together which was to finish painting the room that we gather in.

Sunday, I saw The Lovely Bones. AMAZING. I loved the book and couldn't wait for the movie. The movie did justice to the book. I really recommend it.

Finally, today (Happy MLK Day!) I had an interview for a job. It would be a dream job so my fingers and toes are all crossed!

I stopped off at one of my all time favorite restaurants, Boudin (a Sourdough company) and they were busy making my favorite things ever... Sourdough turtles.

Aren't they the cutest? They even have craisins for eyes. =]

How was your four-day weekend?

Happy Two Year Angelversary Jessi <3

2010-01-09T20:46:00.000-08:00

It's been two years Jess.

Two years since that fatal night in the crash when your life was stolen far too soon.

Two years since this world lost a beautiful 16 year old girl.

Two years since you were given your wings.

Two years since I lost my childhood best friend.

Two years have gone by but not a single day has passed that I havn't thought about you and missed you with every fiber of my being.

I miss you sweet girl.

I hope you're dancing and laughing with the butterflies today.

Love you always. <3.

Jessica Lynn Stephens, October 26 1991 – January 9, 2008

This New Year (With a Medical Question and Update)

2010-01-04T12:31:00.000-08:00

So far, this New Year has been proving to be wonderful! It's shown that in these few days, it's going to be far superior to 2009! I rang in the New Year of 2010 with my best friends at one of their homes in San Francisco and had an incredible time.

I've also gotten the chance to read eight books since Christmas day. Oh, it's so nice to be on break! Reading is one of my favorite pastimes and I always find myself a little saddened by my hatred of it during the school year. I not only often have to read books that are incredibly dull and difficult reads (in my opinion) due to the subjects that teachers feel set on using (though I do appreciate the exposure to genres I normally would have never thought of going near) but then I also don't have time to read the books I love and am dying to read. So I've taken full advantage of this time!!

I had an infection for three weeks and went through two rounds of antibiotics (after the first one, the doctor was baffled that it didn't work) and two days before the new year I got news that the infection had cleared. It was interesting in the doctor's office as I watched her turn through four pages of purely antibiotics as we were finding that I was allergic to ALL of them! There is only one antibiotic left that at this point I can take. It has lactose in it which I can't have but I have an intolerance to that rather than an allergy so I'm just miserable while I'm on it rather than being allergic! I'm just glad I can still take that one!! The doctors were watching me closely because they were really afraid that what I had was going to turn into a kidney infection. I am s thankful to say that it didn't!!

Now I just got a call about scheduling an upper endoscopy for January 15th to find out why I'm having horrible pain that is brought on my simply drinking a glass of water. I am more than a little freaked out at the idea of this.

I've never been sedated and people with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome are known to have difficulties with sedation. I'm also so allergic to so many medications I worry about the possibility that I may be allergic to the sedation.

If any of you or your kids have had this done or if any of you or your kids with many medical issues have been sedated I'd love to know how it went!

I'm in need of a bit of reassurance about this.

Even with that though I still think 2010 is going to be incredible. I start back at school on the eleventh with a difficult course load of English 5, Speech, Math, and a child development class ridden with english but feel ready to tackle it!

I came away from last semester with an A in English, an A in Theater, a B in History and an A in Child Development! The B dropped me down slightly from my 4.0 that I'd had but I am very pleased with the turnout especially given everything I went through last semester! =]

How is your year going so far?

Happy New Year (Happy New Blog!)

2010-01-01T00:55:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!

What are your resolutions for this new year?

Mine are to blog more, avoid medical issues, get my driver's license and one I'm quite excited about is loose weight!

I've started up a second blog, "The Journey From Size 20 to 10 in 2010"! I'd love for you to join me over there as well! I'm also wanting to link up bloggy friends who blog about weight loss or who are working to live a healthier life so if that describes you head on over and leave me a link!

Here's to 2010!

What are your resolutions?

Happy New Year! (Year In Review!)

2009-12-31T12:20:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year's Eve!!

As we say goodbye to the year 2009 we say hello to a new decade!

Where has the year gone? Where has the decade gone?? Doesn't it seem like just yesterday that we were ringing in the millenium and there was panic about the world ending!? (Though we are likely to see that again in 2012!)

Despite how quickly it flew by, 2009 has been an eventful year!

Here's my year in review!

January:

I moved back home to California from Virginia and started school here.

I celebrated my best friend Jessi's one year angelversary.

February:

I got my driver's permit. (I still havn't gotten in the car at all yet though other than one driving lesson. Unfortunately I think I'm going to have to retake the written test because the permit will expire before I get the chance to take the driving test-Hey, that's a good resolution for 2010!)

March:

I started this blog!!

I also celebrated what would have been my snowflake's first birthday!

April:

My sister turned 21!

May:

I finished my first semester at SRJC.

I also had my first trip to the Emergency Room of the year.

June:

I got to experience my first taste of summer in the wine country! Boy is is beautiful!

July:

We moved out of or Tahoe house officially and my dad stopped his weekly commuting from Tahoe to The Wine Country.

August:

I started my second semester at SRJC.

I also celebrated my snowflake's one year angelversary.

September:

I saw wine grapes on the vine for the first time! So cool!

October:

I opened my etsy shop, "The Moonlit Dandelion"!

My godfather died after he suffered a stroke.

November:

I celebrated my 18th birthday!

December:

We celebrated a beautiful Christmas together!

How was your year?

Are you doing anything special to ring in the new decade?

In just a little while, I'll be heading out to San Francisco to ring in the new year with a group of my friends!

So pop those noise makers, get out your party hats and crack open the sparkling cider (or the champagne if you rather!) and say hello to 2010!!

It's Christmas Eve!

2009-12-24T11:45:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas Eve already!

The tree's lit...

(and presents will be wrapped today!)

Decorations all over town have been admired...

Gingerbread houses created...

Everyone's dressed in holiday cheer...

and

Cookies have been baked for Santa's arrival!

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas Eve and Happy Holidays!

Our Holiday Card! (Also to be known as things aren't always as easy as they look!)

2009-12-14T10:50:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays bloggy friends!!

(both old and new!)

May I present to you our first holiday picture since...well I don't think we've ever sent out a holiday picture..

Gorgeous right?

I've wanted to do a holiday photo card forever and this year I was determined to get a family photo and make a card.

Back at the end of November, we had to get the family, my camera and my tripod to the park so I could use my self-timer on my camera and then run into the picture.

Easy right? I mean really, look how great this photo came out!

(So I guess I won't tell you about EVERY single one of the other 42 shots that came out something like this...)

I think there may be a reason we havn't taken a family portrait in over nine years...

(To my real life family who's reading out there-you and who happen to appear in these pictures, you all did great. Thank you for letting me get the ONE good shot. It worked. Thank you for also giving me the much appreciated reminder that things aren't always as easy as they look, I wouldn't trade you guys for the world. Love you!)

I also love YOU bloggy friends!

Hope your week is filled with Holly Jolly Holiday spirit!

Merry SITSmas!!

2009-12-07T21:43:00.000-08:00

I took these pictures this time last year in snowy Lake Tahoe (while I was still living there).

Now, we've gotten the freezing temperatures but...it doesn't snow where we're living now, here in the wine country!

It's a bit crazy around here right now!

Finals week!!

The holiday season is upon us and

the tree is being decorated as I type and I put up even more lights outside today!

Wishing you and yours a very merry SITSmas!!

Thanksgiving Revisited!

2009-11-28T20:02:00.000-08:00

I started off the day with Mod Podge!

I made this for a total of $3! I'm pretty happy with it! Now I just have to pick the perfect picture for it. =]

While watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, I was busy cutting out virtual snowflakes!

HERE

So much fun and no mess!!

My mom was busy in the kitchen all day....

...with a sweet friend always near by and hoping mom'd drop something that mom managed to trip over 7 or 8 times...

Mmmm stuffing!

I even made a pumpkin pie that turned out amazing! (If I do say so myself!)

Sitting down to eat!

Sooo good!

This is the second year that my mom's gone completely allergen free for Thanksgiving for me! That's right! Everything you see (the pie included!) is dairy free, soy free, nut free, egg free, carrageenan free, and is almost completely fat free!!

Though all the recipients that ate this meal agreed that this version is SOO much better, full of taste, no Thanksgiving hangover and guilt free!

Yum!

Not just that but the table was surrounded by my mom, dad and sister-what could be better than that!?

My mom, sister and I then hit the black friday deals (we were on the road by 5am)! It was amazing how empty the stores were compared to previous years! Well we came away saving hundreds of dollars (I have become a master at coupon clipping and being thrifty!)

We also pulled out all of the holiday "stuff" and started decorating! I'm in charge of the outside of the house (which in the front yard is now almost done and is all lit up!) and part of the inside (which is almost done). The main thing left to do is to get the tree!

I'll post pictures when it's all done-just know that we go all out!!

Have you gotten the "stuff" out yet? Do you decorate for the holidays?

Hope your nice long weekend was wonderful!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T16:22:00.000-08:00

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

-- Albert Schweitzer

Today I'm thankful for my sister being home for the weekend, that I'm warm with clothes and shelter, for my family's health, for my mom's wonderful cooking (and that my pumpkin pies I baked this morning set okay!) and for the love I'm surrounded by.

Hope your day is full of family, friends, gratitude and food!

What are you thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Birthday Giveaway Winner!

2009-11-24T18:02:00.000-08:00

Can you believe Thanksgiving is only 2 days away??

Thank you for all the sweet birthday wishes! I 'm excited to announce that the winner of the birthday giveaway earrings is......

Rambler!

Congratulations!!

Please email me your address (at summereyes91 at yahoo dot com) so I can send them to you!

I'm in the middle of SO much homework that my professors have decided to add on now that it's nearing the holidays and the end of the semester so as soon as I get another chance to quickly slip away I'll post some birthday pictures and update you on some potentially exciting news!

It's My Birthday!

2009-11-20T20:21:00.000-08:00

It's my birthday!

A Birthday Giveaway! (and Fall Photos!)

2009-11-15T14:47:00.000-08:00

So there's one week left until my birthday!

In honor of my birthday I'm giving away a pair of fun gold fairy earrings!

To enter, just leave a comment!

(And you're welcome to a second entry if you follow me! Just be sure to leave a separate comment for each entry!)

The giveaway will be closed on my birthday, Saturday the 21st!

Now, here's a few photos I took yesterday! Fall around here is beautiful right now!

Halloween Pictures and a New Piece!

2009-11-12T19:14:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to uploading the pictures from Halloween! Better late than never right? I made a half tutu for my peacock tail and then I created a headpiece to match, I'm really happy with how the costume turned out!

I also added another piece to my Etsy shop today! I've been hard at work making holiday gifts making earrings, bracelets and necklaces! Crafting galore!

My sister came home for the 30th, I always enjoy getting to spend time with her!

My costume

My newest Etsy piece!

Hope your day is sunny and bright!

Who are you?

2009-11-09T21:15:00.000-08:00

I've reached 66 followers!! I'm so incredibly excited!

We're busy here at the house cleaning and are about to start putting up winter decor! (Yes, I realize it's early but I'm having my birthday party in a couple of weeks and Thanksgiving's a few days later and it's so much work that we decided to try to get a move on this year!)

I'm pretty excited that I have only two classes this week, Wednesday's Veterans Day and tomorrow's a teacher work day so I have almost an entire week off!

That time will be devoted to cleaning and tackling the extra homework that my professors decided it would be fun to tack on! (A relaxing week indeed!)

So, as I work the days away, I ask all you new followers this-Who are you!?

I have come to know and love so many of you precious bloggy friends but there are so many more of you out there I havn't really gotten to know!

This is me calling out all you lurkers, in fact I'm calling out all of you awesome bloggers who are out there!

Whether this is your first time commenter or not, make yourself known and tell me about yourself!

Family? Kids? College?

Do you blog? What do you blog about?

Are you a TV/Crafting/Photography/Music/Sport Fanatic?

What makes you tick?

What makes you smile?

Who are you wonderful new and old blog friends?!

Hope your week finds you fantastic and he sunshine finds it's way to your part of the world!

'Tis The Season To Inspire Holiday Swap 2009

2009-11-03T22:54:00.000-08:00

Inspire:(verb) To influence or impel

In your life, what Inspires you?

In the spirit of giving, in the spirit of the holiday season, how would you like to share your inspiration with someone else?

Spread the love and inspiration with the

'Tis The Season To Inspire Holiday Swap 2009!

You will be matched with a partner and send them a package ($20 maximum) filled with things that inspire you.

(The $20 max does not mean you need to spend $20, just that you should spend no more than that-feel free to get creative!)

Sign ups close: November 13

Send package by: November 25

Please include:

Your Name:

Your Address:

Your Blog Address:

Any Allergies You Have:

Are You Willing to Ship Internationally?:

Sign up with Mr. Linky (so everyone knows who's participating) and email me at summereyes91[at]yahoo[dot]com with the details!

I'll put up a second Mr. Linky as the packages start arriving so that the inspiration fun can be shared all around!

Be sure to make a post once you get your package showing what you received and link back up!

Feel free to take the button to help spread the word about this swap!

The more the merrier!

Understand that by signing up you are agreeing to send a package to another person so please only sign up if you're willing to follow through!

This is the first Swap I've ever hosted but I LOVE swaps so I'm excited!

Get ready to inspire!

27 Days of Thankful! Day 2!

2009-11-02T18:38:00.000-08:00

What am I thankful for?

Day 2!

Doctors

For those of you who've been with me for a while, you know how much I struggle with medical issues (for those of you who don't, feel free to hit "The Medical Side of Me" button to the left).

The last two or three weeks have gotten scary with health issues.

I keep having these "spells" where I get incredibly dizzy (to the point where I'm running into walls) and nauseous and within a few minutes break out in a rash.

I also have severe "brain fog" where I have trouble keeping up in conversations and classes.

I went to the neurologist today and got another "Well, you should disgard everything the last doctor told you, I can't help you,I don't know what's wrong, I don't know who to send you but hope things get better for you, have a nice day."

I left in tears (there's only so many times a person can take hearing that) but returned home to a phone call from my favorite doctor who made an appointment for me to see him on Friday (he's hours away from where I live) and reminded me that no matter how difficult my case is, he's not going to give up searching for an answer.

I so dearly love this man!

Happy Monday!

27 Days of Thankful! Day 1!

2009-11-01T20:03:00.000-08:00

Amanda over at Serenity Now is hosting the 27 Days of Thankful this month.

The idea is to post something big or small that you're thankful for each day, leading up to Thanksgiving!

Day 1

November.

Indeed I am thankful for the month of November.

November brings many things, my birthday, my aunt's death anniversary, the colors in the changing leaves of fall and most of all Thanksgiving, the reminder to look around and realize how much love I have, how many wonderful memories I've made and how thankful I am that I've come into my own and have finally begun to embrace who I really am.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T10:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!

My mom and I carved pumpkins and our little witch got set out this morning! Now we wait until nightfall when all the pumpkins will be glowing!

Witchy goodness!

My pumpkin!

My mom's pumpkin!

Wishing you a safe and Happy Halloween!!

Naya's Christmas Warrior - Will you join me?

2009-10-28T14:36:00.000-07:00

I have always had a special place in my heart for children, special needs and adoption. I'm not sure exactly how it came about but by the time I was in fourth grade I was determined that I would adopt a child with special needs.

Recently I came across a picture of a little girl, Naya. Naya is 5-years-old and has dwarfism.

She is one of a large number of children with special needs that Reece's Rainbow (a charity that promotes and facilitates international adoption and rescue for children with special needs, particularly Down Syndrome), is trying to find a forever family for.

You can view her profile HERE.

Naya is High Risk adoption due to her special needs and age. Most children with special needs in the Eastern European Countries that Reece's Rainbow works with are sent to institutions when they turn four. That's right. Four-years-old.

Naya's been lucky enough to remain in the orphanage as long as she has but needs to find her forever family and soon!

Here's where we can get involved. The cost of the international adoptions for these kids runs around $25,000 so in an effort to help the parents wanting to adopt these incredible kids, each child has an adoption fund.

Currently little Miss Naya has $10 in that fund.

I've decided to be Naya's Christmas Warrior and attempt to raise $1000 for her adoption fund before January 1st.

Instead of Christmas gifts this year, I'm hoping receive support in helping Naya instead.

If you would like to help me in the effort to being one step closer to this beautiful little girl having her own forever family, I've placed a donate button on the sidebar of my blog.

All of the money donated is tax deductible and will go to help Naya.

If you can't afford to donate monetarily but still would like to help participate in this effort feel free to take this button for your blog.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at Summereyes91[at]yahoo[dot]com.

Thank you so much for your support!

John L. Pitts 1941-2009

2009-10-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

My incredible godfather passed away this morning as the result of a massive stroke he had on Saturday.

It's hard to believe he's actually gone, I don't think it's really hit me yet.

He was one of those family friends that are closer than family.

I loved him so much and will never forget the time I had to spend with him.

He was always reaching beyond to help people and animals and accomplished an incredible amount of things in his life that will live on.

Just this month he celebrated the 45th wedding anniversary with his wife.

His memory will never be forgotten.

John L. Pitts 1941-September 28, 2009

Beloved husband, father, grandfather, godfather and friend.

And the Winner Is...

2009-10-27T00:02:00.000-07:00

The giveaway is officially closed!

The opening day had a wonderful turnout!

There were 81 entries for the necklace!

I also got 14 new followers! (Oh how I love to make new bloggy friends!)

Hopefully all you new friends will stick around!

In honor of making new friends I will be having another surprise in the next couple of days so stay tuned!

Now down to the oh so exciting good stuff...

So I drew a number (or rather clicked the number generator) at exactly 12:01 and low and behold

-Number 77!-

Which means the winner is...

Congratulations!

Halloween Blog Tour and The Moonlit Dandelion Grand Opening Giveaway!!

2009-10-25T20:38:00.000-07:00

Welcome to all the witches, warlocks and bloggers from near and far to my blog! A special welcome to those of you who've wandered over on Mrs. B's Halloween Haunted blog tour!

Happy Monday!

I'm Krissy and welcome to Thinking of Blue, my little spot in the universe!

Here you will find a pinch of inspiration, a dash of sarcasm, some beautiful photographs and an entrance into my daily life!

I LOVE Halloween and all the fun and celebratory goodness that comes with holidays!

I love dressing up and decking the house out!

This year I've had some great fun making Halloween crafts!

You can find out how I made a Frankenstein Piggy Bank HERE!

You can see the witches cupboard ingredients I collected and glass jack-o-lanterns I crafted HERE!

Feel free to wander around but beware of the trick-or-treaters that you may run into!

Today is a doubly special day as not it's not only my haunted blog tour day but it is also the opening day of my Etsy shop The Moonlit Dandelion!

As part of the opening celebration I'll be giving away one of my favorite pieces from the shop!

The piece is shown with a pink Swarovski crystal but the winner will be able to choose any color they'd like!

There are two steps to enter the giveaway!

The first is to follow my blog (this is very important as this is where I will be announcing the winner)! If you're already a follower-(thank you!) that counts too!

The second is to go to the shop HERE, come back and tell me which color crystal charm you'd choose!

Now the options for extra entries! (You can get up to SIX extra entries!)

For each extra entry please leave a SEPARATE comment!

(It makes it so much easier for the random number picker to find a winner!)

1. Tell me the word that inspires you most!

2. Follow me on Twitter! @ThinkingOfBlue

3. Follow my shop The Moonlit Dandelion on Twitter! @TMDandelion

4. Become a Facebook Fan! HERE

5. Announce this giveaway on Twitter! (come back with the link!)

6. Write a post on your blog about this giveaway! (come back with the link!)

The giveaway will end Tuesday night at midnight pacific time!

Thanks for stopping by!! I hope I'll be seeing you around here soon!

Happy Halloween!!

It's Almost Here!

2009-10-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

I know I've been MIA all week but that's because I've been getting my Etsy Shop ready!

My Etsy shop's grand opening will be on Monday so be sure to check back for a special treat!

My Best Shot Monday - #13

2009-10-19T22:47:00.000-07:00

~Into The Fire~

2 Weeks Until Halloween! Crafts and Color Changing Leaves Galore!

2009-10-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

In the few free minutes I've had lately I've been crafting away! I created some Halloween Glass Jars and some Witches Potion Ingredients!

I've also been trying to catch some of the beauty of the beautiful trees as their leaves change colors and the rain that was pouring down the first half of the week (It's bright and sunny now!)

Halloween "lanterns"!

The tea light inside is a battery operated one so I don't have to worry about walking away from it.

The "Potion Ingredients"!

(From left- poisinous catipillar, witches sticks, skelliton hands, bat fur and toxic potion)

I've already gathered up a few other ingrediants that I havn't packaged yet such as freeze dried spiders and mummy wrap!

The changing leaves!

The "raindrops on roses".

More Fall Tree Leaves.

Aren't they beautiful?

Hoping your weekend is full of excitement!

Wordless Wednesday -#18

2009-10-14T23:12:00.001-07:00

The 3 Cents of Happiness

2009-10-13T22:57:00.000-07:00

So I love the days when the day is grey and gloomy and things seem to be drudging on and then suddenly something happens that causes you to step back and reassess your situation.

This was one of those days.

I went to drop off four packages at the post office after trying to go yesterday, forgetting the post office was closed for Columbus Day. Many other people seemed to be in the same mindset.

I walked in the door and there were 5 people in front of me and within minutes there were 11 people behind me.

Everyone seems to be getting impatient when suddenly this little boy in line, no more than 6 or 7 walks up to the counter that he can barely see over and hands the lady a tiny package.

In his hand is a worn out Ziploc baggy with a few coins in the corner.

At this point every single person in line is watching this little boy.

The lady weighs his package and tells him, "That'll be $2.95."

He hands over his little baggy and the lady in front of me calls out, "Just tell us if there's not enough! We'll get the rest of it!"

Everyone in line just nods their heads in agreement, smiling.

The woman counts out his coins and says, "Ah, your a little short, I don't think your mom gave you quite enough..but don't worry about it!"

Then she realizes, "Oh! There's another dime in the bag! You'll even get some change!"

The boy looked up at her and in amazement goes, "I get change?"

With the clinging bells of the cash register she places 3 pennies in his open palm.

He turned around with smile that reminded me that it really is possible to smile "from ear-to-ear" and he walked out the door.

A woman a couple places in front of me goes, "Now that just made my day!"

It was amazing how much the energy changed in the room in those few short minutes.

By the time I left it felt like everyone was walking on air.

It really was a wonderful reminder that such an abundance of happiness can come from a mere 3 cents.

The Pumpkin Patch

2009-10-11T23:37:00.000-07:00

Amazing Day at the pumpkin patch today! We came away with 2 large pumpkins, 1 tiny pumpkin and 4 mini-pumpkins for 16 dollars!

Although we did go into a HUGE corn maze (I'm talking like 4 acres huge!) and get lost for an hour!

We never even made it to the end, we ended up cutting through some rows of corn and finding the entrance again! It was huge!!

We got to know the other people exploring the corn maze as well because with for huge spots where 6 paths met throughout the maze, we (lost as we all were!) ran across each other quite often!

The Pumpkin Patch

The Corn Maze

The Farm Animals

I can't wait to carve the beautiful pumpkins we came home with!!

Yummy Fall Recipes!

2009-10-08T23:55:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of Halloween I decided to go all out and try to create some fun, yummy, low-calorie, allergen free treats!

I introduce to you Halloween Popcorn Treats and Apple Jello Dessert!

If you have any questions or want clarification on anything, feel free to ask!

Halloween Popcorn Treats

(My very favorite!!)

3 Cups Pre-popped Popcorn 130cal

8 pieces Campfire Marshmellows 200cal

28 pieces Pretzel Sticks (small) 110cal

30 grams Dairy-free Soy-Free Chocolate Chips 150cal

15 grams Orange colored sprinkles 0cal

Total Cals- 590

32 servings

19 cals per serving

In a double boiling pot, melt marshmallows and chocolate.

Add popcorn and pretzels, stir well. Add sprinkles for decoration.

Apple Jello Dessert

(Not as sweet tasting as it sounds! Yummy!)

3 Cups Sliced apples (sliced small) 180cal

¼ Cup Pureed Apple (Baby Food) 35cal

2 Cups (1 package) Strawberry Jello Mix 320cal

½ Cup Flour 220

¼ Cup Sugar 194

¼ Cup Brown Sugar 194

Total cals- 1,143

8 servings

143 cals per serving

In a 9x9 pan cover base with apple slices.

Make Jello mix and pour jello (before you set it) over the apples.

Combine sugars, flour and pureed apples and spread mixture over apple and jello.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30-40 minutes.

Enjoy!

Happy Apple Day!

2009-10-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

As many of you already know, I moved here to the wine country directly from a college I was attending in Virginia. I had to come back for health reasons and had I not left, I'd be a junior there right now.

My experience there was an experience I will cherish for the rest of my life. There were many problems and I often don't regret my decision to come home but this is a specific day of the year I've been dreading. Today (as I have been for the last week) I'm feeling homesick. Homesick for the amazing memories that are now behind me.

Today is Apple Day.

Apple Day is (arguably the most looked forward to) tradition at Mary Baldwin. The tradition started in the early 1940's and has been going strong since then.

Apple Eve (the night before) is notoriously known for the drinking done but is also welcomed with contests, sporting events, games and a barbecue.

The drinking is notorious because Apple Day is a day of no school! Everyone gets the day off and has the option to go apple picking (the apples go to help feed the homeless in the community) at a local orchard, "paint the town" which consists of going downtown and painting the windows of all the store for fall and there's a carnival.

Every meal is also filled with apples. From apple pancakes and apple cider to apple pasta and apple chicken, there's even a chocolate fountain to dip the apples in- along with caramel and candy apples!

The sophomore class plans the whole event (I was on the planning committee last year) and every class tries to outdo the fun had the year before.

For many years the day of the event was kept a secret until the night before. That changed in 1998 though when the entire freshman class ended up in the ER with alcohol poisoning!

I can only imagine today will be filled with a campus full of 1,000 women sporting red and green and celebrating the spirit of Apple Day!

It's a celebratory day to celebrate the community, school spirit, a day off from school and spending time with amazing friends!

While I can't be there in body, I'll definitely be there in spirit.

(And have already planned to eat "Apple Pie Oatmeal" for breakfast!)

Happy Apple Day!

Here are some photos of last year's Apple Day!

(Everything is grey because for part of the morning it was pouring rain-not that anyone minded!)

The Bounce Obstacle Slide

Gladys the Squirrel (the mascot) riding the mechanical bull

The Slide-Side of the Bounce House

As the clouds cleared, it became a beautiful day!

(You can also see on the left side, the horses that were brought in to ride)

My first ever candy apple!

There's nothing better than an amazing day-spent with friends!

Happy Birthday Mom!

2009-10-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

To the most amazing, most incredible, most fantastical mother ever...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!

I love you!

Halloween Craft! Frankenstein Piggy Bank!

2009-10-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

The church I work at was raising money by having people make piggy banks so I feeling inspired decided to make a Halloween themed one!

I mean how could I possibly resist a trip to Michael's(craft store)?

I havn't been able to do any really fun crafty projects in way too long so I was incredibly excited for this!!

I'm also entering it into Blue Eyed Blessing's Craft Challenge!

I started with and used:

-an empty VOSS water bottle

-a styrofoam circle base

-an empty can of (special edition) Jones Spooookiwi soda

-sparkly felt

-pompoms

-googly eyes

-colored sparkley sticky foam sheets

-glitter hot glue

-Halloween ribbon

The hole to put the money in is in the opening of his shirt/chest and the money can be removed by unscrewing the lid which is attached to the foam base.

I'm excited about how it turned out! What do you think?

Wordless Wednesday -#17 (On Thursday)

2009-10-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

My Best Shot Monday - #12

2009-09-28T12:43:00.001-07:00

I have the best job ever!

Too Cool! So excited! Fall Grapes!

2009-09-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

So have you ever seen grapes growing on the vine?

Like before they got picked and put in those bins and sent to the grocery store? Yeah, me neither. Seeing that I'm living in the wine country and it's harvest season I was beginning to think they* were making it all up. You know, maybe grapes are really grown on a truck, or they fall from the sky...hmm, that may be a bit messy to clean up...

Anyways, I saw them for the first time today! They're telling the truth I swear (see even I was starting to not believe them!

It was amazing! My mom and I were on the way back from Sacramento on the most gorgeous freeway (one that wraps through some of the prettiest vineyards) and I suddenly started seeing big purple bushels hanging from the bottom of the vines!

We immediately pulled over and I got out and ran over to take pictures (I had to show all my bloggy buddies of course!!)

It really was one of the coolest things and totally made my day!

The Proof:

* They refers to those people, you know the ones, the people who tells us facts growing up and later down the line, looking back we have no idea who told us it. Those people who expected us to believe these facts without giving us the cold hard evidence. Yeah, those ones.

Hoping your day is full of happiness thats as good as grape juice!

Happy Fall!!

2009-09-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Fall!

This is such a wonderful time of year! I love the summer but I really enjoy all the changes that fall brings. I'm excited to see Fall here in the wine country for the first time! So far, each season has brought such uniquely different and yet wonderful beauty!

Last Fall I was living in Virginia, enjoying being in a place where, for the first time (well for me anyways!) I got the immense pleasure of watching the leaves turn every color imaginable and then drift gently, floating through the air as the leaves began to fall. Ahh, and the perfect crisp, crunching sounds of feet walking through the piles of leaves on the ground.

Walking to class today I passed a tree and saw these beautiful leaves where the sun's rays were shining through the branches, lighting up every vein from above.

Today I also got the incredibly smile causing surprise when I went out to the backyard and found that the sunflower's (that Eva gave me the seeds for) first bloom opened up!

It's going to be a wonderful Autumn!!

Fall 2008

(First Day of) Fall 2009

Here's to a season of absolute beauty!!

Happy Fall!!

A (Rambling) Update (with Pictures)

2009-09-19T21:32:00.000-07:00

Getting the PICC in.

In the hospital.

My antibiotic (full).

Antibiotic-shrinking.

Antibiotic- and shrinking.

Antibiotic-all done.

My view of the hallway.

The PICC.

The pretty wall in the room in the ER I was in for 20 minutes.

After 11 hours in the ER. (Someone giving me a test said "you look like you've already been through a lot tonight"...Yes I had.)

I had a gorgeous PICC line put in my left arm on Tuesday after they tried to put it in the right arm, the vein started spasming and they had to take it out and try it in the left arm a few hours later.

By Thursday I had really bad chest pain in the right side of my chest that continued to get worse with every dose of antibiotics. (Which was once over an hour every 24 hours.) I spent the day at the doctor (from 10:30am to 4pm) seeing the doctor and getting an ultrasound to make sure there was no blood clot. The results came out normal so they gave me a shot of Toradal for the pain and sent me home.

The pain continued so Friday morning I called in to the doctor that originally ordered the PICC line (the infectious disease doctor) and he said to go to the ER on a non-emergency visit to get a CT scan to just make sure that there was nothing else going on.

Because the pain was on the opposite side of where the PICC is and is on the side where they'd tried, it was unknown if something was damaged or bruised in the process or if the tip of the PICC was in the wrong place.

I went into the ER at 4 and was in a room by 4:45 because they had to decide if I should take my 4:30 dose of my antibiotic or not. (Which I ended up doing but not until around midnight.)

After a quick EKG I was stuck on a bed in the hallway (which is where I stayed for the next 9 hours). During that time I had a video x-ray with contrast dye (to make sure the PICC wasn't leaking), a chest x-ray (to make sure it was in the right place), and a chest CT scan with more dye.

Each time they used the PICC line the pain got worse and worse. I finally was given pain meds (Morphine, Toradal and Phenergan shots) at midnight.

At midnight they decided to stop using the PICC (on my left arm) and put in an IV in my right arm (so I couldn't lean in either direction). That's when I had the CT scan done.

From 1-3:00am I was put in another room where I stayed until they knew the results of the CT.

I also have to add that I've never been in the ER where more people were throwing up. Constantly!! Not a good thing for someone with a severe phobia of throwing up...I had my ears plugged listening to my iPod and my eyes at the wall the ENTIRE time!! I am SO glad the battery lasted the entire time!!

(Any suggestions of calming music are welcomed! I listened to the same CD on repeat the whole time.)

I got home at 3:30am with a bottle of Percocet and a strong want to lay in my own bed.

Today I woke up at noon and had a rash from head to toe, a droopy eyelid and the lack of ability to see straight. It's gotten worse all day (Benadryl not helping at all) and towards the end of the day waves of intense nausea came on. I did get a couple hours of sleep in the middle of the day though.

I'm relaxing in bed now, trying not to worry about all the homework I still need to do and hoping that there isn't another trip to the ER on the horizon (neither tonight or anytime soon).

Ugg, an all day doctor visit, an 11 hour ER trip, and lots of pain=a long, not so fun weekend.

I did get my necklace from Self Symmetry that I got a huge discount on thanks to Amy's giveaway, yesterday which was wonderful to see in the mail! It's beautiful =].

Hoping tomorrow will be wonderful,

Wish Me Luck--Aah!!

2009-09-14T16:02:00.000-07:00

I have a completely reasonable fear about getting this PICC line put in.

A PICC line is a Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter, it is threaded up through a vain to the heart.

The last time I had one put in, June of 2007, it was put in while I was in the hospital. The nurses who put the line in for me told me to make sure not to let anyone use it if anything happened to it such as if it came out even a little.

The next day the line got caught on my hospital bed as I quickly sat up and close to 6 inches of the PICC line got yanked out my arm. Let me say, excruciating pain!! The most painful thing that I can ever remember happening.

Of course I had an awful doctor who wanted to use the line even though it was hanging halfway out my arm!

He was convinced that I had pulled it out myself and to "teach me a lesson" he wanted to still use it that way.

Then when I started freaking out (why in the WORLD would I purposely put myself through that!?! AND then lie about it!?) he was convinced I just had anxiety and that was what was causing me to freak out so he wanted to just fill me with Ativan (anti-anxiety medication)!

This event was the first time I'd ever had a panic attack and was the beginning of my Panic Disorder.

Thankfully my mom was in the room the entire time (this event wasn't even the half of it) so she wrote a detailed letter that ended up getting this doctor yelled at by his supervisor in front of all of the doctors at a meeting.

So after this event (I still have the scar from it) I am terrified of tomorrow's 10:30am appointment in the injection center. I know that what happened to me isn't normal but I'm still incredibly worried.

...aah!..

Happy Invisible Illness Week!

2009-09-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

Invisible Illness Week is Monday through Friday of this week!

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness(es) I live with is:

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome(POTS), IBS, Anxiety(Panic Disorder) and the doctors are currently trying to diagnose what else is wrong.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:

IBS in 2000, Panic Disorder in 2006 (set off by a traumatic hospitalization) and POTS in 2007

3. But I had symptoms since:

Some for as long as I can remember and others, new ones, appear daily.

The most disabling conditions, the ones from the POTS, started around January of 2007.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:

Not being able to be a normal college student and having my independence taken away(living at home, not being able to drive, having to have my parents constantly remind me things).

5. Most people assume:

that I'm healthy, I put a convincing face on.

6. The hardest part about mornings are:

Finding the energy to get out of bed and stay standing.

7. My favorite medical TV show is:

Mystery Diagnosis, partly because my life is just that.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:

My laptop(the bloggy world) and my iPod(I love music)

9. The hardest part about nights are:

Lying in bed, finding a position where I'm not in excruciating pain.

And only getting around 6-7 hours of sleep a night.

10. Each day I take:

No less than 2 pills and that's on a really, really good day. I sometimes take as many as 30.

I also wear a patch and (self-inject) 1 injection weekly.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I:

have tried everything. After so many, "I don't know what to tell you"s, I'm willing to try whatever I can to find relief.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:

They both are awful and each carry their own hardships and I wouldn't wish either on anyone.

With invisible illnesses it's isolating and tough to get people to believe you, with visible ones, it's hard to be treated differently.

I'd much rather choose to be healthy.

13. Regarding working and career:

I currently work one day a week and go to school full time.

"Sick days" have to leave me completely bedridden to stay home.

14. People would be surprised to know:

How many times a day I get looked at as if I'm lazy because I constantly have to sit down.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:

the isolation and loosing my once amazing memory.

Also, that if the POTS doesn't clear up in my twenties, I'll most likely be stuck living with it for the rest of my life.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:

Move across the country by myself.

17. The commercials about my illness:

are pretty much non-existent.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:

Dancing for hours on end and singing without damaged vocal cords(from so many antibiotics) and without running out of breath every 3 words.

19. It was really hard to have to give up:

Friends and being able to live on my own in college.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:

Blogging.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:

Dance and sing.

22. My illness has taught me:

My illness is just one part of me and is not how I have to define myself.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:

"But you don't look sick." and "You're overreacting."

24. But I love it when people:

Tell me they care.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:

"When the world tells you to give up, Hope whispers...Try it one more time."

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:

Push the limits of what you think you can do. Don't play it too safe and give up your life, secluding yourself from the outside world. Keep living.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:

Not having doctors understand. I've only ever come across 3 doctors who've even hear of what I have and none that know enough to help me.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:

Come up to me and tell me I looked like I needed a hug and comforted me.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:

Too many people feel like they're alone in the struggle with a debilitating illness.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:

Hopeful.

Find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at www.invisibleillness.com

Losing hope after a long week...

2009-09-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

Part of the reason I havn't been posting very often lately is that I've just been trying to cope with different things going on and I havn't wanted my blog to become a depressing place.

I've realized that that's the point of a blog though, to not have to hold things back when you don't know where else to turn.

So here goes..

I'm losing Hope.

A few examples of why?

For starters..

A week ago, thursday morning I had my Theatre 2 class. I walked into the Auditorium (where the class takes place) at 9:01. Now you should know that I'm not one to be late but I live a half hour away from the school and with all the construction going on there's random days where there's more traffic. So, the class started at 9 and walking in at 9:01 the teacher shouts out, "You're late, take out your homework, write late at the top of it and grade your own. You're also getting no credit for it." (Note that this is a teacher who's never cared when people walk in 45 minutes late to class.) At this point I was upset after I'd spent hours on the homework and even taken it to the teacher the class before to clarify parts of the homework. (I also got 100% on it along with the extra credit portion of it.)

Then he announced that we'd be doing a scene with a partner, rehearsing 2 hours outside of class and then preforming it the following class. He told everyone to stand up that had recieved 100% on the test the day before (which I had) and then who got 100% on the homework. About half the class stood up. He said that those people got to choose their partners first so they knew that they'd be able to rely on people who also work hard. Everyone started pairing up.

Suddenly I realized EVERYONE in the class was paired up but me. The teacher stuck me with a group of two other people and told them that I'd do whatever they wanted me to and I'd work with their scheduale.

20 minutes later after having all of the ideas I gave shot down and called dumb everyone had their lines memorized except for me because my "partners" wouldn't include me. Then, my "partners" flat out said they didn't want to work with me and that they were angry that the teacher was making them. Literally in those words. (Note, this is in a COLLEGE class, one of these women was around 19 and the other was around 30-Also, they'd not said much to me, nor had they seen me act so it couldn't have been about that.)

I was really hurt. These were two people in the class that I thought were really nice and had been excited that if I had to be stuck into a group that these were the people I'd been stuck with.

I told the teacher that they really didn't want to work with me so after some negotiating with him, he allowed me to work with another group. In the end that group worked out well and the performance wen amazingly. We even had someone rate our scene as their favorite out of the 20-something that were preformed in class.

The point is that I thought we were past that. That was a big reason why I love college.

The other thing that upset me about the situation was the fact that after it happened I really needed someone to be there for me but when thinking which of my friends I could call that would be there for me, I couldn't think of any. Then when I called one anyways, they listened, said "okay" and then started in talking about themselves.

Secondly, the next day I had an appointment with an infectious disease doctor.

I'd been waiting for this appt. for a few weeks. For those who are new to my journey, I've now had a staph infection for 6 weeks now. I've been on a couple of antibiotics that hadn't done anything and it was continuing to spread. I've also been getting strange rashes all over my arms and legs quite often and the joints in my hands are incredibly swollen and developing blister type things on them.

My primary care doctor has given up on me because I'm not an open and shut case. She's an amazing doctor but at this point she's frustrated past her limit because she doesn't know what to do with me.

So this Infectious disease doctor saw me and thought that the lesions all over my body didn't look like a staph infection. He thinks it's an auto-immune disease, he's not sure which one though. He said to stop the creams and hibiclens which weren't currently doing anything for me anyways. He was afraid of two things it could possibly be so he wanted me to be sent immediately down the hall to dermatology for the lesions to be biopsied.

I went down the hall and a second copayment later I had the dermatologist (and a second one who the first wanted a second opinion from) tell me they thought it was just a staph infection and to use the hibiclens and I'd be fine. No antibiotics or biopsy needed either.

After feeling as though I'd just been spun in a circle back to where I started I went back to the infectious disease dr.

After a teary explination to the doctor's asst. about what had just happened, being given two polar opposite directions to go, I was allowed to talk to him for a couple of minutes.

I told him what happened and he told me he'd just gotten off the phone with the dermatologist and that was not what had happened at all.

Mmhmm. Yeah.

The infectious disease doctor ordered a chest x-ray and a ton of blood tests. 3 hours, 13 vials of blood and an x-ray later I went home.

Then this week I found out the results came in but the results were sent back to my primary doctor.

She got angry when I emailed her for them (probably because she thought she'd successfully passed my case onto someone else.)

She said the results were normal.

Back to square one...again.

Today, after being on the phone with the doctor's office for a couple hours, a phone appt. was made for later in the day.

The doctor called an hour and a half after the appt. but at least I was able to talk to him and tell him how frustrated I was and that I needed to do something because what I'm doing isn't working.

He confirmed that the results of the tests were normal but that a culture that had been done confirmed that I had a rare kind of staph.

Which brings me to another highlight of my week..

I'm getting a PICC line put in hopefully as soon as Tuesday and after a 7-day round of IV antibiotics(which may or may not work), I'm having a skin biopsy done to see if they can figure out if there are any signs of something autoimmune going on with the lesions. Because what's going on doesn't make sense to them and nothing is adding up.

The only thing that's kept up my Hope right now is what happened to my uncle the other day.

He narrowly escaped death.

There was blood in his stool and the next day he had to call my aunt to pick him up at work. He was almost too weak to even make it to the car.

He was taken to the ER where they found he was bleeding internally.

After a bunch of tests and a surgery they found out he had something very rare between his stomach and his intestines. It was like an ulcer but while an ulcer goes inside this thing went outwards. It caused a blood vessel or artery to burst that mad it so he was bleeding directly from his heart.

They were able to clamp the thing and then watch him closely in the ICU for a couple days.

He's still in the hospital but no longer in Intensive Care and looks as though he's going to be okay.

Apparently, if he hadn't come in, the doctors don't think he would have made it through the night.

All in all, it's been a hard week. It made me realize how lonely I really am right now. I have many friends that I'm there for all the time but realized that I have none that are willing to be there for me when I'm really needing someone to lean on. Also, still being new to the town, not knowing anyone around here, I just felt more isolated and down then I have in a long time.

The illnesses that plague me are invisible. Most of them can't be seen. Just by looking at me, I look healthy.

It's hard for people to understand how to be friends with me when I can't often make plans ahead of time because when I do, I have to cancel them at the last minute because I'm in so much pain I can't move or get out of bed.

It's hard not being able to keep up with my peers. For example, I almost pass out when I climb a flight of stairs and my pulse reaches close to 200 beats per minute and it won't go back down to normal for a half hour or so.

It's hard for me to not be able to dance because I feel so horrible all the time and I get incredibly dizzy, falling over and almost passing out when I exercise (and sometimes even when I'm not exercising).

It's hard to remember what having a social life feels like.

It's hard to forget the name of my favorite song, or forget the question right after a teacher calls on me due to "brain fog".

It's hard to realize I may never be "normal" again and to accept this as my life.

It's hard clinging onto Hope when that's all that's left.

It's hard.

New blog header!!

2009-09-07T12:29:00.000-07:00

So I've never done anything quite like this but felt like it was time for a different look! What do you think?

Thursday Thirteen #9

2009-09-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been posting much and that I certainly haven't posted a Thursday 13 in a long time but with such a busy schedule I'm trying to sneak some time into the blog world.

Thirteen Pictures I Took at the Beach Last Sunday

10.

11.

12.

13.

Love, Hope, and the wonderful start of a new day,

Wordless Wednesday -#16

2009-09-02T23:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Angelversary My Snowflake

2009-08-28T00:57:00.000-07:00

It's been a year.

52 weeks.

365 days.

8,765 hours.

525,600 minutes.

31,556,926 seconds.

..A Long Time..

A long time of firsts.

Such unknown territory yet a path walked many times before.

Situations never the same-always uncharted.

How is it possible that a year has passed by?

A year of flashbacks, a year of fear, a year of tears a year of screaming into the wind.

A flood of memories slipping slowly through my fingers leaving me clinging to Hope.

I only wish I could smell your sweet baby scent once more.

I miss you more than you know sweet boy.

I know the stars are shining brightly tonight.

I love you snowflake.